Happy St. Patty’s Day AKA Alcoholic Justification Day

So your great grandmother came over from Ireland like what 125 years ago?   Since then your genes have gotten more mixed up than Lance Armstrongs sexuality after his little Bromance with Mathew McConahey.  Yet every year at this time all of a sudden you are Irish?  Yeah, so am I, about 1% maybe.  But that is no reason to pretend, and I have red hair and could easily fake it like everyone else.

People think red hair comes from Ireland, no they are wrong, red hair is from the Vikings who spread their seed throughout Ireland, that is why the Irish have a ginger look to them, not pure blood Vikings, but Viking mutts themselves.  Pure Irish have dark hair and pale skin. When you meet a real Viking you know it because they are short and stout and stronger than everyone else around, they are jovial and loud and also mean as hell if you cross their paths or show disrespect.  So please do not disrespect my genetic heritage by calling me Irish, or think I am in on your scam of pretending to be Irish so I can drink too much in general or especially tonight on St Pattys day.

Viking genes are dominant, that is the only way they can possibly come up in two people in a row like my sister and myself even though noone anyone can remember in my family ever had red hair. That is why we are tougher, have A+ blood and dark red hair, not some ginger strawberry blonde hair and pale ass white skin.

Are there no Americans in this country?  I mean, if you ask 100 Americans what nationality they are they will almost invariably tell you some crap, Italian, Irish, German, whatever some distant grandparent was that they secretly fantasize they are made of, yet rarely will you even find a good old (inb)redneck that will say Americann  But lets face it most people are mutts in this country and no wonder this nation is struggling since it has no identity within its citizens’ minds. I know I am American, because I am 4th generation Californian. I may have 100% Viking genes, but I grew up in this country and would never try to fake I am Dutch or German or whatever else is in my family heritage. I wish more people would come to their senses.

So go ahead, get shitfaced tonight on some lame green beer or whatever you are gonna drink after a dinner of McDonalds or Sonic, but don’t pretend you are Irish unless I cannot understand a word you say even though you are roughly speaking the same language-  only then will I acknowledge you are truly Irish, and I will buy you a Guinness, not some green food coloring Budweiser.

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